What are You Made of?

12:03:00 AM

Como, Lombardia, Italy 2017

"If you were a wall. What are you made of?"
"I will be made out of the concrete."

It's been quite long time since I fall in love. Like what I already said before; When was the last time you fall in love? The stupid question that came out from my own mind and I can't answer it by my self. I'm not really sure about it. When was it? When was the last time you fall in love, anyway?

I hate the fact that I kind of miss the overwhelming feeling that could make you feel alive. In the other hand, I also hate the fact that kind of things is tiring for me. I'm tired just for assuming something that I don't even know, something that doesn't have the exact rule and calculation. This is not like "Yes or No" question. This is like a thousand of possibilities we are talking about.

With you, it's something different. We were not assuming. I think we know that we knew it without asking to each other. I wonder why. There will be always some kinds of stuff to laugh about when I'm with you. Probably it is because of your riddles, your silly statements, your act, or you itself is a package of a witty joke that made me laugh without you even trying. I could use a bunch of reasons to pushes you like I did before, but I was not doing it. I almost, to be honest, but there is something about you that makes me feel comfortable.

That comfortable feeling itself is a scary thing for me. You will never know why, how, when, and where it will come to you and affected you without even asking to you. But again, comfortable is a funny thing, you never asked for it, but you get it anyway.

You were once a stranger. We both are completely stranger at first. Does it scare you that somehow you feel the most comfortable with a stranger rather than other people that you already know before?

Yes, it was scary. I'm not really expecting of meeting new people (in term of being a couple), I don't mean just to meet, but to know each other, to understand. I don't think that I'm such an understanding person. I have a complex-yet-surprising personality that probably is not too easy for people to accept it. And this phase of a relationship is exhausting.

I thought you were just a joke for me. I really mean it. I just want to have you as a friend in this kind of cruel yet lovely city. By friend I mean a friend like we can have each other's time without worrying about feeling and that kind of stuff. But then again, life is in the funniest way as it can be when finally I feel that there is something. Something like the comfortable feeling that strikes back again that I barely find (in term of a couple).

All of sudden, out of nowhere, without you or me, or us, even trying to be. It has just happened in a spontaneous way, and I want to keep all of these happy feelings around me. Back to the first thing that I wrote before; because there is always something that makes me laugh when I'm with you.

It may sound so cheesy and cliche but, yes, you know the 'I just know it' feeling, right after you know it.

---

"You know because concrete is simple, but it's so difficult to demolish the wall made of concrete. Yet, after that, you will need to build it again from zero, no?"

---


Addina Faizati


PS: This been in a draft for a couple months until I have the gut to post it. But here we are now.

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