“If my head was a glass, it is now full of water.” You said. “And I need to make this glass empty again, dear.”
“I don’t’ get it.
“I need some new water to fill my glass up."
“Are you still in love with me?”
“…”
I really don’t know what happened with you. What happened with me. What happened with us. Us. It’s been about 3 years and counting we called us as Us. I knew, deep down in my heart I knew there is something wrong with us. Even I don’t know what it is. We are not that kind of couple who’s always says to each other something like ‘I Love You’ everyday. We don’t. We just trust each others. His way to treat me and the way I treat him is enough. Enough said. Words can’t replace.
“I don’t know.”
I trust him. I trust him with the whole of my heart. And I just fall into pieces when he said that he don’t know is he love me or not. That’s my fault. It’s my fault to trust him that much it could break my heart.
“No. You just don’t.” I said.
I just lost. And I’m crying. I don’t know what happened with us. I really don’t know.
* * *
I’m not good at moving on. Really. I've been through dozens of cities and countries to work, to learn, to travel. But still, all I think about is what if you were here, with me. It’s been two years since that day. The day you said you need some new water to fill your glass up. It’s been two years since I got my post-graduate scholarship and have to travel half of the world with my half-empty glass. Bullshit.
I’m back to Indonesia tomorrow.
Is it Thursday, 7 October?
Yup. Landed at about 8 AM.
Have a safe flight, then :)
I will.
I just re-read my conversation with him yesterday. My plane has just landed safely. I walk automatically to finish all this immigration stuff and so on. See? I’m not that good at moving on. There are a hundred person in my contact and chat list to text to, but I choose him. After these years, he is still on the top of my contact list. Honestly, I don’t expect something sweet like he will pick me up or asking me to have some lunch together. I just can’t help myself not text him. And I just did. Shit.
How could? How could a person dig into our lives so profoundly? Shit. Why I have to go back to Indonesia? Can’t I just stay with my scholarship there? Can’t I just leave this city and all these bitter-sweet memories?
Shit. Stop over thinking and let’s just hurry up and go find a cab to go home. I murmuring to myself after take my luggage. I walk down to find the gate and, I just can’t believe my eyes. I could see you with a smile and waving your hand at me. You are still the same man that I see the last time. Two years ago. Does it funny that you are not changing after all this shit that happened, but your feeling about me?
After two years. Yes, after two years of waiting.
“Halo, Kin. Welcome back.”
And he helped me to bring my luggage.
random story, random day, random conversation
Tulus - Sepatu, Payung Teduh - Rahasia, Payung Teduh - Berdua Saja
