The End of The Beginning: A Reflection

By addinaf - 11:30:00 PM

Finalmente, Io sono dottoressa

I personally felt that my two years of experiences in Milan had taught me a lot of things. I met a lot of people from different background, culture, and attitude. Things are complicated here. The tasks, the flow, the life itself. But I feel grateful for all the things that happened here. These two years has changed me more than anything in my life.

Everything must come to an end. 

I finished my study. I am graduated. I am really grateful that I can complete my study for two years. I am really thankful that I can have all the privileges to study abroad and to meet new people from different background, to be able to learn completely different and new things and to experience a lot of moments that I never thought I would.

My PSSD's support system
Auguri per me!

Life is funny that way. Life always gives you things that you never expected it anyway. Even I always set in mind that life is a series of temporary, like what I've written in the previous post, but still. I can't believe that this is really the end.

In the end, everything is just the series of temporary. Nothing is forever. Everything has its time limit. Temporary meaning that you should be progressive, you should develop yourself to 'move' before the time limit. By move doesn't mean that you have to move your house, work, or city, but how you move in a better way or in a better mindset.

This might sound like an end, but actually not. I faced more complicated choices and options just recently, near my graduation. Near the end. I am thinking more than I used to lately. Uncountable questions from family, friends, colleagues, and even from me, myself. Most of them I still don't know how to answer.

I have my own plan whether to stay or to leave. However, a plan is something that the human created by themselves. In the end, a lot of factors could affect the idea, and that could be part of your destiny. Everybody has different skills, preferences, and privileges. It is complicated for me to write this down, but yes, there are privileges.

I am not sure if it is the right thing to say, but so far, these last two years, I can conclude that mostly my problems are based on two things: first, language; second, money. The thing is, how fluent you are in a language, it is still not your native language and not how you used to express. I must say that somehow, at some points, you (non-English native speakers living abroad) feel the struggle to express your feeling in a right word. Last but not least, to survive while waiting for the opportunity for you, is, of course, you need money. More or less same case like if we need to start a job in Indonesia. The advantage is that in Indonesia you can speak and express what you want easily (no language barrier), and you can survive in your hometown for a while. I must admit that from the experiences, for now, those two are my main problems here, and language is a part of culture too.

Before you blame me why can't I speak Italian even after two years, or what is your money problem you have this and that. I am not complaining but I just stating the fact. I don't want to say that I don't want to struggle or don't want to learn a new language. I tried to study but maybe my language ability is not as good as some people who can learn a new language faster or easier than me. I also want to make a disclaimer that I have stable money condition here compare to some friends. But, anyway, I should go back for some reasons. I never go back home this past two years, and despite all the urge to stay, I still want to go back home and see familiar faces, places, and comfortable feeling there.

Even though, I must admit that Milan has been my familiar places for these two years, and it also has familiar faces too. But slowly but sure, all the familiar faces need to go somewhere to pursue their new story. My boyfriend who graduated in April also moved to work to another city, 1 - 2 hour from Milan. So, I think this is perhaps a sign that I need to refresh from this city and try to reflect on what I want to do in the next following years.

With boyfriend, taken randomly by a stranger (we can barely see our faces)
Mandatory photo in front of university's main building
at the Vittorio Emanuele II
con ragazzo mio

In the end, everything really must come to an end, no? And I feel like this is the right time and the right moment to go back and reflect.

I decided that this story of my study in Milan really should finish here. I have to. Despite all the attachments and the memories that I have in Milan, whatever the shit that happened here, they created me to be a better person. However, the book is finished, and I should find another exciting book soon. The end of this story is just the beginning of another exciting yet unpredictable story.

Even though I believe that I will surely come back to Milan, or Italy in general, sooner or later, but I'm pretty sure that it will be about another story to tell, and another series to finish. New places to visit, new people to meet, new things and opportunities to do.

Everything must come to an end. 
And the story about my study in Milan is finished.
This is maybe the end of another challenging beginning.

Addina Faizati
Milan, 2018

PS: Special thanks for all of family and friends who support me,
I can't mention all of you and can't put all of your pictures here,
but I know that you know who you are.
Really, thank you so much.

A glimpse of my thesis: cemara

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